Know your role (this may offend)

My best friend (my husband of 5 years) left this morning for San Diego for 2 days to present what he had been building for the last year, WebPDI.  This man is a genius, it's quite ridiculous! He has learned to code an entire web application, build website, design, front end, back end, everything in under a year. His capacity to learn and memorize code is beyond genius level. I am so blessed to be married to him.

Anyway, early in our marriage, we really realized the power of knowing your role in your relationship.  In today's society there is so much emphasis on women being able to do everything that a man can do, if not better.  THIS IS WRONG.

Women were designed for a purpose, from the get go to be the HELP MATE! And so much of today's problems with children and their behavior and all their problems, I think, boils down to not having a stay at home mother at home to be there, to be their everything.  Husbands are expected to come home from work, help with diapers, do the dishes, help with laundry, in addition to being the bread winner. All this because the mom is also working, so that she feels like she is contributing too.  Why is everything centered around money? It bothers me so much that the woman feels she isn't contributing because she isn't bringing home a pay check, but her role is crucial to be the HELP MATE.

That said, if you are still reading and aren't fuming mad, so many of today's problems would dissipate if the mother / wife would just accept her role as the helper and stop trying to be the boss.

Women have a natural ability to multi-task, men do NOT.  If you haven't noticed, if you ask your husband to do the dishes, finish the laundry and clean the living room, he will put the laundry in and sit and wait for it to finish, instead of doing the dishes while he's waiting.   He was geared this way on purpose, God knows what He is doing.  The man's ability to focus on ONE task is outstanding.  They need to be able to do one task, if that is what is expected of them, they will succeed!  If they are also expected to come home and help with the kids, finish the dishes and laundry, their ability to do the first task (be the bread winner) will fade.

Society is making women feel like they are suppressed, but in reality God doesn't want women to be put down, He just wants the men to RISE up! 

Do what you are good at and get good at what you are called to do.  As a wife and a mother, it is my sole purpose to respect my husband and be his help mate.  It's so sad that today this role had been made to be a "depressed" role... grrr! Women are complaining that they feel "alone" with the kids all day, like the maid. It's like an NBA player complaining that his job sucks because he has to run lines and work out, and can't just play basketball every day... so stupid. We are the ones who assist. We pass them the ball so they can make the shot, so that WE can win!  Sorry, but we {{usually}} aren't good at shooting, but we are awesome at passing and making sure they have the ball, to shoot and score.

• It is my job to be THE support system for my husband, to encourage him and make sure he knows how awesome he is and what a blessing he is in this family.  If a man is encouraged and praised, he will strive for more. But if a man is always nagged, he will give up.  Women are to submit to their husbands, that means that there is a MISSION to SUPPORT.
• It is my job to be the intercessor for my husband, to be the prayer warrior for him. To pray God's hand over all he does. 
• It is my job to be the launching pad for my children, to make the best rockets EVER!  To make sure they know that they are my everything, that the Embassy that their father is building for them, will always be here for them.  When a child is secure, they really fly.

That is the most empowering role I can think of. Women feel depressed because they don't know their role and don't act on it. 

Now the most important thing is to make sure you marry a Godly man, or all your efforts will be in vain.  I'm 26... still learning. I am glad we married young, we are growing and learning together.  Watching my father in law and step mother in law marry at the age of 55, it's like watching two old oak trees try to merge as one, not happening.  But when you try to merge two young saplings, they make one big strong tree and grow together, protecting each other.

It's just as Stephen is gone, I really feel the need to pray. He is out in battle, I am the intercessor to make sure his efforts weren't in vain. That Philippians 1:6 holds true, He who began a good work is faithful to complete it.

Friday? What's Friday?

I don't know Friday, it's not that we don't like each other, I just don't have the same relationship with Friday as everyone else.   In most families, the husband is off on Saturday and Sunday, which makes Friday a party day.  But Stephen works... and works.... and works. He is off for Sunday for church but that is about it! 

I know all his hard work is going to pay off, I just feel bad that he never gets a Friday. I have to force him to take a day off.  Soon, and very soon, he will be working 30 hours a week instead of the 80+ he currently is... and making twice as much.  He is such a hard worker.  Soon we will be having Friday every other day!

It's going to be a really good summer.  I can't wait for Stephen's reward to equal his efforts!

Marry young and grow up together and grow old together!

Raising Kids to "Do Hard Things"

We were super blessed this weekend to be able to attend the "Raising Kids to Do Hard Things" seminar in Portland, OR, thanks to Stephen's mentor and his wife. They are a great example of a Christian family and we really respect them a lot and are grateful they are in our lives.

There was so much good stuff, I don't know where to start.... how about with the Vikings...

Apparently, back in the Vikings time, the warriors went to battle by means of a boat. Most had "Galley Slaves" that were under the deck to do all the rowing. While the slaves were rowing, the warriors were just resting on deck, gambling, drinking, just wasting time.  So, obviously the boat had to be twice and big and twice as heavy with all the extra men.  BUT the vikings took a new approach to this.  They had NO galley slaves, the warriors were the ones who did the rowing to battle and the boats had to be half the size. Subsequently, the Vikings began to defeat everyone. But the time they rowed over to fight, they were twice as strong as the other warriors who had galley slaves and began winning battles with very little effort because of their increases strength.

Time to take a lesson from the Vikings: Don't outsource your responsibilities to your family. It may seem efficient, but it is detrimental in the long run.

As a culture, we have outsourced our responsibilities of :

-Birthing, Care & Training of Children (now Maternity Wards and Day Cares)
-Religious Education & Vocational Training (now Schools, Colleges)
-Food Production & Meal Preparation ( now Pre-cooked foods and fast food restaurants)
-Guest room & Meal time Hospitality ( now Hotels and fine restaurants)

So, we can take a lesson from the Vikings and bring it back home... do it ourselves and we become stronger and smart and become victorious.  Row ourselves to battle... Homeschool, home birth, hospitality, etc



On the topic of raising children

Psalm 127:3-5 Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior  are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame  when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

Children are like arrows.

1- The Bullet Point (or Arrowhead) is the smarts and what contains the fire.  It is what brings the fire that spreads.

2- The Shaft - the childs shaping and character... whether made out of twig or steel. It is what keeps them strong in the air and when they land.

3- Fletching is what keeps them straight and going on the right path.

4- The Nock - the relationship with their family (the bow)... snug but not clinging

As parents, it is our job to aim them perfectly and let them fly. Our children our like rockets and we are their launching pad.  But once that rocket takes off, no one is standing around looking at the launching pad.



WISDOM BUILDS THE HOUSE
 
James 1:5-8  If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting , for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Pastor Harris gave the analogy of the kid on the bike ramp. Who is the kid that always falls? The one that is timid and half hearted about it.   The kid that is scared usually falls flap on his face but the confident, daredevil always lands. So, God is telling us to believe and just give it our all and KNOW that He is behind us.

And I think my favorite part what about God's Embassy being in our home. I am have a huge interest in homes, obviously and not having one makes it hard.  I want to make a home for my family, it is my purpose as a woman to create a safe refuge and learning environment for my family. (It's like a computer programmer (Stephen) being without a computer).  So, I didn't realize how many times God mentions a house in the Bible.  I was beginning to feel selfish and guilty for wanting a house for my family and that I needed to be grateful for having a place to live at all, not that I'm not grateful, but you know what I mean.


Jeremiah 29: 4-7  This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says... "Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters, find wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number, do not decrease.  Also seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper."

Prov 10:15 The rich man's wealth is his fortress... But if we use our home to make friends for God, it is functioning as HIS embassy.  

If we use our home to avoid contact with others, it is serving as a fortress, but we want to use it to bring in, as an embassy, hosting parties and guests, to serve others.   God gives to us so that we can use it to further His kingdom.  If he gives us money and we don't use it properly, we will lose it.  The LOVE of money is the root of all evil... the LOVE of money, not money itself.  If we love it, we hoard it and don't use it for others, so we lose it.
We are given things to use... we need to use what we are given.

"Money is like manure. It's only real use is to spread it around to help make good things grow, and if you let it pile up too much, it begins to stink." -John Kennedy Galbraith

God is GOOD.... and we are certain because of this because of STRAWBERRIES, LOL. A fun anaology that Pastor Harris used everytime something came up with "Why did God do this"... "because He is good"

He could have made only quinoa, and that would have been enough. We would have been fed but He didn't stop there. He made strawberries and all the other amazing fruits and vegetables just because HE is good and HE wanted us to have what is good.

And that applies to everything and I really took that to heart.  I think it was the BEST thing I came home with. I have really been struggling with my need for a house, really been struggling, feeling greedy and like a spoiled brat for wanting more than quinoa (our current "living with the in-law" situation). Living here is great, I love my in-laws and really have everything I need. Living here has been such a blessing, it has brought Stephen and I closer and really strengthened our marriage and my in-laws are a DREAM, seriously, so amazing.... but God made strawberries and He wants us to eat them, not think "those strawberries are nice and I'm glad other people get to eat them, but I'm fine with my quinoa". Strawberries are just as easy for God to give us as the quinoa and He wants the best for His children, like any parent.  HE wants us to launch... FINALLY, LOL.

So, although we aren't living in our huge embassy quite yet (pictured above), I am excited to be able to get a house for my family.  The mortgage kind of frightens me (not that it's big or anything, just that it is a BIG DEBT) but God says "Ask in faith with no doubting and it will be given".   So here we fly off the ramp, 100% certain that God will land us successfully and lead us to a much bigger ramp to jump.

Starving

Quinoa in the morning usually fills me up but here I am at 11:30 and starving. Salad for dinner probably didn't help. Oh well, I have to go to the store instead of running at nap time.

Just make it through THIS day... that is my goal. No cheating... size 10 by May 14th.

Housing

I guess I should update about our housing situation.
We've been in negotiations for this house


We got mutual acceptance for $180,000... It is right in the middle of town, backs to a playfield of an old elementary school and has a good size back yard. It is 1350 sq ft with 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. It obviously needs some work, a lot of work, but that's what I am for.

But upon our inspection last week (3/11/10), we found tons of things wrong with it. The roof is in REALLY rough shape, as in needs an entire new roof; all the electrical needs updating and so does the plumbing; and the front of the house is starting to sink so it needs new footings poured.

Pretty much, this house will never be able to be funded by a bank unless they fix this stuff because it just won't appraise. So, we wrote up our inspection report and are asking them to fix pretty much EVERYTHING. So today they are bringing in contractors to see how much it will all cost. So, they have til Tuesday at 9pm to let us know what they have decided.

If they don't fix everything, we will be walking away and getting our earnest money back. A few other better properties have come on the market since we made an offer on this one, so I am almost hoping that they don't want to fix it, but either way, I'm just happy to get a house.

But I am praying God's will be done.


WEIGHT LOSS: I finally dropped below my 172 plateau. Was 171.0 this morning... 11 lbs to go! But my BMI is 24.5, finally in the "normal weight" range. Wahoo!!

Weight Loss

Miss Ellie is 3 months old today. I can't believe how fast she is growing. She is so beautiful, the perfect baby. She sleeps 8-10 hours at night and rarely cries, even when August sits on her or pokes her in the eye.

It feels like my heart is going to burst with pride and love.... my heart along with my pants. YIKES. At 5'10", I was 150 when I got married in Hawaii in March 2005.

And 3 kids and 5 years later, I've plateaued at 170. I never used to struggle with what I ate, pretty much I ate what I wanted but now it's not so easy to maintain. Ten months after Carter was born, I got down to 160 for a cruise.

So that is my goal. We are going to Disneyland in 2 months (May 14-21) and I need to lose 10 lbs. I think that is very reasonable. 1 month after Luella was born, I was 180, then in one month I dropped 10 lbs and have been plateaued for a month now and it's time to step up my game.

My Goals:
Quinoa to replace breakfast and lunch
Salad for dinner
Fruit and veggies for snacks
Run 20 mins 4-5 times a week
Drink a gallon of water a day

Wish me luck. I'll weigh in tomorrow to start. (Last Monday I was 172.2)
I have a pic of me at 180 (very scary) and my goal is to be able to post that once I hit 160 with before and after, side by side.

A look back

(Stephen's office.. ie the window wall of our bedroom)

(The boys in their bath duckies watching tv, in front of our bed... (the living room)

Just some everyday life pics... I will look back fondly of our time at the Harrision's (halfway house) Hotel.. hehe!

(I bought Luella a swing when I was 8 months pregnant, but August liked it quite a bit)

(38 wks pregnant, still another 3 wks to go)
(Apparently they thought their room was so small they had to play in the toy box)

(Delivering Luella on Dec 14th in the standard 5' bathtub... after 1.5 hours of labor and pushing. She came soo fast, I'm so glad my midwife lived 10 mins away.
Luella Glory Rhyne was 10 lb 8 oz and 22.5" long)

(Loved having a homebirth. Can't wait to actually PLAN for my next one)

(He LOVES his new sister)
(Apparently August was quite upset that someone was in HIS swing,LOL)

(Large, Medium and Small)

(She's got daddy's dark hair)

(And while mommy is busy with the baby, the boys climb on the dresser)

(August chases Carter around to try and hug him. So sweet)

(My smiley happy girl)

(I chopped off 12" to donate to Locks of Love)
(My Mickey boys)

(The cousins March 2010. Mikey (8), Caleb (6), Carter (3.8), August (1.75))


(Luella 2.5 months)

A year?

I can't believe it's been a year since I have updated.

In August, we moved into my in-laws upstairs (400sq that consists of a bedroom with bathroom, closet and another "office" area.) This is our new home. We were renting 1500 sq ft from my parents but they ended up foreclosing and we weren't ready to buy yet. We have to use our taxes to prove our income and we needed to wait til 2010. So, Stephen's mom and step dad graciously accepted us into their 2500 sq ft home, where we share their kitchen and laundry.

At first, it was really hard. I was 5 months pregnant and it was quite depressing. I felt like we would never be our own entity but at the same time was grateful we weren't forking away money for a rental and could pay the inlaws half of what we would have to pay in rent. I ended up delivering Luella in the downstairs bathtub (our bathroom doesn't have a tub) and am really becoming quite grateful for this season of our life. This could have destroyed our marriage. Our bedroom (175 sq ft) also acted as the Rhyne living room, office for Rhyne Design and play area for the boys, since their attached bedroom is so small. I won't lie, finances are TIGHT. With Stephen trying to launch his new program, he spends 90% of his time building and working on it and has little time to do jobs that pay NOW. I want more than anything for Stephen to achieve his dream and have a job he loves and have his reward equal his effort. And it is hard on a marriage to have barely any privacy and be confined to such tight quarters, in addition to be tight on funds, barely making ends meet. There were a lot of fights, tears, and feelings of failure in the beginning of our time at the in laws. But we quickly learned how to compromise for each other and put each other first, living here has really strengthened our marriage.

(Above the boys playing in the walk in closet)

But doing the wise thing is really lame sometimes. I tell Stephen all the time "I really love my life". And someone from the outside would say "What? How?" We don't live here because we "suck", we live here because we have vision and to accomplish that vision, we have to sacrifice.
(The boy's Room.. I built the Mickey Mouse Toddler size bunk bed)

And now that we are in the process of buying, I'm sad to leave. I really love my in-laws and have a new found deeper love for them, for who they are and what they do. Also, I do NOT want a big house. I love how small quarters has brought our family so close. I want my children to share a room (not that we can afford a room for everyone anyway) but I want my kids to be friends, best friends.